Friday, June 12, 2009

Surviving the Apocalypse

I have been sick all week, but I felt bad about not being able to take my sister to the grocery store. Yesterday, after work, I dragged my sick ass to Market Basket with her. Boy am I glad I did.
Step up ladies and Gentlemen while I tell the secrets of surviving the apocalypse. You must have plenty of food stocked, for the Apocalypse could be any number of disasters. Nuclear, disease epidemic, global warming, Canada's rise to power, or the good old fasioned we are all going to hell. First off if we are leaning by way of disease epidemic then a good way to start is to create a panic. 1. get the WHO to call it a pandemic when less people die of it then the average flu. 2. Yell out loud in grocery store "Mel, do you have Swine flu? Maybe I shouldn't be near you." That will make everyone within 25 ft of you stare and run 50 ft away from you. Although when you are shopping at the ever crowded somerville Market Basket it could actually work in your favor. 3. While your sister slowly collapses from exhaustion after having worked 10 hrs and running a fever of 100.7 all day, be sure to shop as slow as possible. This will give her the chance to realize there are no benches to sit on and she will contemplate sitting in the carriage baby style with the safety belt. Now after you have created your panic, I am sorry to say that you won't survive after all since we are all going to die from the swine flu. I would like to thank CNN, NBC and various other media outlets for enlightening me on the situation. Nuclear disaster is always a tricky one. First off you'll need food. If you would like to know what kind of food to purchase lets look at last nights list. You'll need pasta (about 10 boxes), what's pasta without sauce so be sure to get 7 cans of tomato sauce. Mini bags of popcorn, cans of olives, 5 bottles of vinaigrette and tuna fish are all necessities to living out the next 40 years until it will be safe to go outside again. Shelter could be an issue, unless you live in a home similar to mine where the layers of lead paint will keep us safe for many years. Of course if you have an old lead lined refridgerator that will keep you safe, but only if your name is Indiana Jones, anyone else who tries it is screwed. If its Global warming, I recommened you go out and buy yourself a boat. Here are a few things you will need for Canada's rise to power, 1. a french-english dictionary 2. Canadian Bacon on DVD 3. Best of Celine Dion on CD 4. Memorize O' Canada 5. Hockey Jersey with an oak leaf 6. On the double priced objects you should look and the Canadian pricing now. One thing you can look forward to is being able to smoke some cubans (which are fabulous). If the Apocalypse is because we are all going to hell, well then I recommend you sit back and relax because its suppsed to take 7 years, so you can fit in a lot of living in that time. I wouldn't bother trying to change because apparently only 144,00 will be saved so there is no point in trying to compete for one of those spots. Thank you Ladies and Germs for listening to what amounts to our grocery store conversation last night, good night and good luck!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Terminator Salvation

Someone just pointed out to me that I have not actually reviewed anything as yet, so here it goes. Last Thursday night I saw Terminator Salvation with Christian Bale. (Spoiler Alert!) Opening sequence begins in a Jail, Marcus Wright (played by Sam Worthington) is sitting in a cell conversing with Dr. Serena Kogan (Helena Bonham Carter). First off I know I've seen better acting out of Helena. I was very disappointed to see this cold character. It wasn't even in that cold calculating way that can be intriguing. It was as if Helena was just putting in the hours to take home the check. However, Sam, hit it right out off the bat. Immediately you feel a connection through the hints in the conversation that he is a haunted man. Don't worry I'll try not to go into too much detail. Next scene opens up in the future with (drum roll please) John Connor (Christian Bale). First off the cinematography is amazing. They have rolled out a scene in the desert that looks straight out of Resident Evil 3. As the Helicopter lands, boom, it crushes an older model terminator. John hops down and casually shoots it in the head (old hat for him by now). John and his recon team scale down the shaft to a blah blah boring same old underground tunnel one would see in any movie. I mean come on, the tunnel in Blade 2 was cooler looking then that. Apparently in the future no one (including the machines) know how to build a truly dank looking base. This is a recurring complaint of mine through out the movie. The back ground sets for the so called military bases all look like a cross between a shelled out stalingrad during WW II, leftovers from the first Matrix and some bad Steven Segal movie. But I digress. While in the tunnel they see people caged and a few chained up The camera sweeps by for an instant to show you Marcus is one of those chained apparently dead. While making a sweep of the computer system John stumbles across data on the T-800 (Arnold Schwartzenagger's recurring character). Skipping through... after a close call with death John heads out back to base. Then just when you wonder where the Marcus connection is, he climbs out of the wreckage covered in oil and debris and screams. That would be my reaction too. What the hell? So he just happend to "wake up" in time, alright I'll buy it for now. There is a brief altercation between John and the military higher ups in this conglomeration of various world factions that are the resistance. The whole point of this is for two peices of info, 1 the machines are hunting down "some civilian" Kyle Reese ( played by Anton Yelchin) and 2 they have supposedly developed a sound which disables the machines (kinda like a dog whistle). I realize I am going way too indepth so I'll try and wrap it up. Bottom line is Marcus ends up being have human half machine and he is the only one who can save not just John, but also his father Kyle. And by loose definition humanity as well. I think what they are trying to go for is the same irony mentioned in the Matrix, while we are fighting the machines, we actually cannot live with out them. What is likable in this movie besides all the eye candy (thats for both guys and girls) is the conflict in John that is set up through out all 4 movies. He hates machines, but he also owes them his very life. It was very nice to see the throw backs to the original two movies via recycled one-liners, I'll be back and come with me if you want to live. They biggest surprise that I enjoyed I will not spoil, go to the movie and see for yourself. My predictions for the future are an end to the Terminator series, they are going out with a bang so to speak, and we are just seeing the beginings of Anton Yelchin (He is also in the other big blockbuster known as Star Trek) and Sam Worthington. My biggest complaint were the dreary non too realistic backdrops of the military bases (both sides) and the random ending to Marcus's life. For whatever reason it didn't mesh with me. Any way out of 5 stars I gave it a 3.75, well done!

Imagine

Think back for a moment. Picture yourself back in college, sitting in the dorm or hanging out around your house. Perhaps you may even of had a beer in your hands (this is especially true for my fellow Umass grads). When you saw yourself in the future, did youever think this is how things would turn out? If you did then your life was either boring or predictable (sorry, but its the harsh truth). So much can change in a moment, a day, a month, a year. I was just struck by how much we don't see coming. I for one never would have imagined myself in this line of work. I am glad I did, but who would of guessed. Despite all the set backs, changes and people that have come in and out of my life I have to say I'm glad it all happened. Mostly because it brought me to where I am today, but also because I am richer for the experience. Have a great day!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

President Obama

Just finished watching President Obama at the pen signing to honor President Reagan's 100th birthday. I have to say it was nice to watch. I could feel myself listening to Obama's words. He is one of those rare cases where when he talks to you it feels as if he's talking only to you and not the millions of others watching. I can best compare it to Morgan Freedman's ability to narrate a story (ie Shawshank redemption) in a kind soothing voice. The other thing that struck me is that Obama seems like one of those genuninely nice guys. It was nice to see him and his wife take a night to themselves and enjoy a date. Despite critics bashing the moment I was warmed to see a happily married couple take a break from what I can only imagine is the most stressful job in the world and spend quality time together. It gives the romantic in me hope!

Todays Tidbit

I just started this blog today, congrats to me. Generally this will be about whatever is on my mind. I do intend to review many books and movies, its your perogative if you listen or not. Let me know if there is something you want me to see or read to review for the public. Thanks!